Quote for Wednesday

Words of Wisdom

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes... because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation! ~ Rumi

   Marielle Napoletano via Emily Anderson, pinterest

Thought for the week.....

Rumi

You know how it is.Sometimes we plan a trip to one place,
but something takes us to another.

~ Rumi

Americans eat more than their body weight in GM foods.

     Americans eat an average of 193 pounds of GMOs each year, and the average American weighs 179 pounds.
http://www.onegreenplanet.org/news/americans-eat-more-than-their-body-weight-in-gm-foods/

     Here is a new report on the dangers of GM foods.
     https://www.commondreams.org/view/2012/07/05-0

     Here is a good discussion called, "Should you worry about genetically modified food?"
    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/should-you-worry-about-gentically-modified-food/#axzz2ADvxDbHZ

 

     As consumers, we need to be educated about our food sources.

If all the beasts were gone, men would die from a great loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beasts also happens to the man. All things are connected. ~ Chief Seattle

EVOLVE! Campaigns 


Here is a good video about factory farming.  We all need to be cognizant of what is going on in our world. What affects the least of us, affects all of us. Live with compassion.

http://www.onegreenplanet.org/news/watch-the-most-shockingly-beautiful-video-about-factory-farming/

Dance Until You Shatter Yourself.

I received a wonderful email from Dean's cousin. I needed this.  Here is what he told me:

Deb,

I told you I was going to send you a short story of something that happened with Dean in the past, as I honestly didn't think that I could tell it all the way through ,while I was talking with you, without getting a lump in my throat which would have prevented me from finishing the story.

So, here it is.

While attending the University of Nebraska, Dean and I ran in different circles, so we didn't see each other a lot.  But late one night when I was in my dorm room studying, Dean stopped by. Apparently he had just finished a date with you and stopped by my room immediately after.

Dean literally came dancing into my room, twirling and spreading his arms out like a ballerina.  As he twirled, dancing around the room, he started singing "I'm in Love!, I'm in Love!, I'm in Love!" He must of done this for several minutes.

I finally looked up from my studies and said to him, "no you're not, you're just drunk or crazy."

He was neither.

~ Rumi — with imagine do.            Dance Until You Shatter Yourself.


Now, I knew Dean a long time, for 43 years.  I can't seem to picture him doing this, but I am willing to suspend my disbelief and take these kind comments at face value. It is a lovely memory. 

Last Saturday morning run group.

Last Saturday morning's BRC/Tony's run group picture, with a picture of Dean.  He still runs with us.

Inspiring!

Perspire Fitness

Inertia

     I'm sorry about the lack of new blogs, but I have a bad case of inertia.  I have tons of things to do, but no desire to do anything.  I am maintaining my routine, and frequently walking and training my wild and crazy lab puppy, but as far as anything else, if it doesn't absolutely have to be done, I'm not doing it.  Eventually I will face a deadline, and get started again, but just not this week.  The mountain is too high to face.
     Meanwhile, I am using distractions....watching movies and bad t.v.and talking on the phone.  I am doing my best not to think for a while. My brain appreciates it.
     My daughter left to speak at a conference in Capetown, South Africa.  Send good thoughts her way for a safe trip and successful presentation.  She deserves a little fun in her life after the past couple of weeks.

The only gift is a portion of thyself. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

     I received a letter yesterday from the Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Bank letting me know that both of Dean's donated corneas were transplanted, granting vision to two people. It is really comforting to know that his generosity is helping others, and that he is still with the world in a small way.
     I have checked "organ donor" on my driver's license, and I hope you have, too.

"You may not have saved a lot of money in your life, but if you have saved a lot of heartaches for other folks, you are a pretty rich man."---Seth Parker


Here is the website for the Rocky Mountain Lions Eye Bank:
http://www.corneas.org/page.cfm/ID/1/About-Us/

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days. ~John Burroughs

We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. 
Life is eternal. 
We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. 
This is a precious moment. 
It is a little parenthesis in eternity.
~ Paulo Coelho

     Dean's last weeks and months, and our times together were truly beautiful.  I will always remember them as being full of light and color.

Step by step.

     So Charleigh and I are returning to a routine.  We are going to get back to some morning jogs.  When I told the head of our running group about Dean's death, she told me to take things "step by step."  That is good advice, not only for life, but for running.


        Run4Beer


     Also, I have been playing the "mellow" music playlist from Dean's mp3 player.  He had great taste in heartfelt 60's music.  It is comforting and reminds me of him.

Charleigh and me, and the new normal.

     Dean's Memorial Service is now done.  We think it was just what he would have wanted.....a celebration of a life well lived, accompanied by the '60s music he loved, and by photos of his life.  Our most wonderful family and friends were all there.

     Today family members must return to their own lives and jobs, so it is just Charleigh and me figuring out our new normal.  When I went to pick up Charleigh today from the pet-sitter, I finally had some alone-time to talk to Dean for awhile.  Are you familiar with the poem, "i carry your heart with me" by E.E. Cummings?  I have always loved it, and find it particularly comforting.  It embodies exactly what I will do.  I will always carry Dean with me in my heart.  He wll always go wherever I go, and see and do whatever I do. He will attend our family gatherings, graduations, and weddings;  go on vacations;  and maybe I'll even listen to some Husker football for him.  I will never be without him.
 

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. ~ Herman Hesse

forever8infinite:

"This caught my attention for a long time. I noticed every piece breaking, in slow motion so clearly and the one thing that came to my mind was that moment when your heart breaks. When you can feel it drop and break into little pieces when you hear something that you wish wasn’t true, the truth that you have made yourself not believe, read something you wish hadn’t, or seen something you wish you hadn’t."

love the pain blog

 

     It has been a heart-breaking week for our family.  Dean was a lovely, kind, funny, good man.  This week we celebrate him.  He touched so many lives.  Next week, next month, next year, we begin to pick up the pieces and find a new normal.  

A lucky man

     Thanks everyone for your love and support.  I forget, in my everyday doings, how many good people there are in the world who really care.  Dean was surrounded by friends and family who loved him.  He was a lucky lucky man.

Science Is Awesome

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

     Dean died suddenly yesterday. He always could make me laugh.  He was a really good man.....by far my better half.  His prized possession was, and always will be, his family. He wanted so to live for them as well as for himself. We are all much richer for having him in our lives.

            10-9-12

We are star stuff.

               

Science Is Awesome

                

Science Is Awesome

I read this poem yesterday in the most recent Goodreads newsletter.  I found it, unfortunately, fitting for us. Not the breast part, but the "Innumerable" part.

The Radiologist's Report

by Joyce Nance (Goodreads Author)

"The lung fields show enumerable (sic) nodular mass lesions consistent with pulmonary metastases."

Innumerable.
Beyond number.
Infinitesimal.
The stars in my lungs.
Resistant cells on the road
From my long-gone breast.
I cough up lung stars,
Burnished red and yellow.
The beaming skies of my lungs
Burn thick and bright, wheeling through days
As I walk up slight hills, gasp and heave.
Like the mountain night sky,
So high and live with pulsing,
They force my head full up,
Engorge my eyes with light,
Until I pull away, dizzy.
There is no room in my lungs for self-pity.
More stars than air,
Less breath than life and love.

Update:  Dean has been getting sicker since last Thursday and is currently in the hospital.  They are still running tests.  Please keep fingers crossed.

"There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know." -----Lewis Carroll

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”

― William W. Purkey

     Happy birthday to Kate.  Celebrate, enjoy, and let there be cake.

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event.---JB Priestley

     We woke to an inch of snow on the ground and cold temperatures in the twenties.  It is pretty, I'll give you that, but I would rather the sun were out.
     Dean is not feeling great, but is better.  He did go to work and must also go to U.of C hospital for his 72 hour post-infusion labwork.
     Charleigh is excited!  She loves the snow and loved our walk.  Oh, to see the world from our dog's eyes.
   

B+

     Dean is feeling under the weather today now that all the IV steroids given on Tuesday have worn off.  It is nothing major, just GI symptoms and tiredness, so he is staying home from work and I am staying home with him.  These are expected side effects for him. Thanks to everyone for their concerns and kind thoughts about Dean. I will keep you updated.

     Charleigh is starting to act out...probably because she was unceremoniously left at the pet-sitters for 24 hours much too soon after we had adopted her.  She probably thought she was being dumped somewhere again to start over, even though it was a loving home. She was wildly delighted to see us when we picked her up Tuesday night.  By acting out, I mean that this morning she has eaten a roll of toilet paper, grabbed things off of the counters to eat, etc.  These are things she definitely knows better than to do. She is trying to get attention like the teenager she is. I have her on a leash attached to me at present. We are like Siamese twins and where I go, she goes.

     Since by staying home today I have unexpected free time, I thought I would share some medical news articles that I found interesting.

     Here is a column from Dr. Joel Fuhrman's blog on the dangers of BPA (Bisphenol-A) and how to avoid them.
  http://www.diseaseproof.com/archives/cancer-bpa-how-to-avoid-this-ubiquitous-chemical-menace.html

   
     Here is an article on organic food titled "Is organic food a scam?"  It covers research on organics vs conventional food and fetal/child development and also antibiotic resistance.  If you are on the fence,  this might help you.
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/is-organic-a-scam-fetal-and-child-development-and-antibiotic-resistance/#more-31944

Perspire Fitness

   
Running for Health and Fun 

The business of cancer

     Cancer is big business.  We spent Tuesday from 7 AM to 8:30 PM at the state of the art Anschutz Cancer Pavillion at the U. of CO Med Ctr Complex, plus 1-11/2 hours of driving each way.  The day started for Dean with lab work, a physical exam, 2 ekgs, and having 15 hairs yanked from his scalp for study of the follicles (can he spare them?). Around 10 AM pre-meds were given and more labs drawn, then naptime until his infusions started at 11 AM.
     There are 38 infusion bays.  Bald, pallid, debilitated, but cheerful people abound, most toting wheeled small suitcases containing the items needed for a long boring day.  As newbies, we must not have packed enough.
     The decor is hospital green and beige.  It isn't bad, as hospitals go, very antiseptic and functional except for the artwork and baby grand in the mainfloor lobby.  In contrast, the view outside our window is sunshiny, blue-sky autumn.  We wish we were out there.
     Dean has consented to be part of a phase 1 clinical trial to determine dosing for a new cancer medication and we are glad of the opportunity. Over the past two years he has exhausted all of the available chemotherapies currently approved for his type of cancer, none of which were effective.  This drug is a targeted therapy, however, and should target cancer cells......assuming it works in humans and assuming it works on his type of cancer and assuming it works at all.  We shall see.
     Thanks to everyone for their prayers and requests to the listening universe.  They must have been answered.  This clinical trial just happened to open up at the right time.  I gather there are very few slots available, maybe two or three, at this facility.  His referring oncologist seemed truly excited for him for this opportunity.  Considering the alternative was to do nothing, being proactive and taking risks seemed the right and only choice. He's more altruistic than I. Helping advance medical knowledge is a valid motivation for him.

     Back to our timeline:
     At 1:15 PM he experienced an allergic reaction with itchy palms and a red rash on his hands starting to crawl up his wrists.  Infusion stopped,  the room filled with caregivers, meds were given, and  IV fluids bolused.  More labs were drawn.  We got to actually meet the youthful Doctor in charge of the study at this facility.

     At 2:30 pm the infusion was restarted, but this also restarted their timeclock for the post-infusion lab draws and ekgs.  We were to be done by 6 PM, but now maybe 8:30 PM if all goes well.  The infusion bays close for the day at 6 PM, which means we must transfer to the inpatient facility for the evening.  We still have feeble hope of picking up Charleigh at the dog-sitter by 10 PM.  This explains why everyone comes carrying wheeled luggage.  Next time we will bring jackets, more things to do, and definitely lots and lots of food.

     At 3 PM we realized Dean isn't going to be able to walk around and go to the cafeteria as we had been instructed, so I went down to bring back a late lunch and discovered the cafeteria closed for the day. The coffee shop only sells coffee. Vending machines only have chips and soda, no actual food.  We scavenged for crackers and peanut butter from the patient waiting room.  It has been a long time since 5 AM breakfast.  Sorry, but I get really cranky when I am starving.  Those stale saltines did hit the spot.

     3:30 PM, infusion ended.  His allergic reaction is stable.

     4:30 PM, lab work and 2 more ekgs.

     5 PM, We transferred over to the inpatient cancer building.  All rooms are full so we found a couple of chairs in the lobby for our 3 1/2 hour wait.  This building does have a cafeteria so we got to grab a late lunch/early supper.  It was cafeteria food, but real food, and it was truly wonderful.

     6:30 PM, lab draw.

     8:30 PM, lab draw.

    10 PM  Pick up our exhausted, played-out Charleigh and headed for home.  So ended Phase 1, Week 1, Day 1.

     Dean has to go back for more lab work this afternoon (24 hours post) and Friday afternoon (72 hours post).  This is what life will be like for a few months, but if it works, all is well, even with the occasional day of starvation.

     By the way, Dean feels wonderful today plus had a wonderful night's sleep....that is what two doses of IV steroids will do for a person. Plus he slept through most of yesterday due to the meds he was given.  Maybe next time, he will share them with me.

Dum, spiro, spero.  Latin.  While I breath, I hope.

"You can't test courage cautiously."  Anne Dillard

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

               shared from Be the change you want to see in the world

     Training is going well with Charleigh.  We met 3 dogs today when out on our walk and she was great.  The first meet was inadvertent....a boxer who was barking at us, jumped his yard fence and came running over.  They sniffed their hellos, and we went on our way. Charleigh did so well that we stopped and met a couple of other dogs, and she did great there, also.  I think her leash anxiety must stem from us....when we don't let her visit with other dogs and we pull her away it must communicate "danger" to her.  It is something to think about....we need to always communicate friendliness.  She does fantastically when running with other dogs at the dog park.  We try to take her there at least once on the weekend.  We are going today, also, to try and wear her out.  She will be spending the night and tomorrow with a pet sitter.  We hope she does great and doesn't blow it for us. We need a good, loving pet-sitter for if and when we ever go on vacation.  We would hate to ever put her in a kennel since she has such kennel stress.  Dogs are just like having children....you always want the best for them and you worry about them.


An oldie but a goodie:

             shared from Run4Beer