Alex has "skills."

     At Christmas we visited family in Chicago.  I think we were talking about video games, when Grandson Alex chimed in and very unassumingly and reasonably said, "I have skills."
And that is very true.  Alex does have skills.  But it was the way he said it....not bragging, just with a child's self-confidence.  It was a simple statement of fact.  
     What happens to our self-confidence as we progress to adulthood?  We all have skills. We just need to find them again.

"Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes in it to drain it dry."       Alvin Price

"Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."  William Butler Yeats

Make your feet your friend (J.M. Barrie)

     Today we, my husband, dog, and me, walked.  We walked around the neighborhood, but our dog detoured us over by a stable to visit  horses.

Quote of the Day:  Now shall I walk
                                   or shall I ride?
                                  "Ride," Pleasure said:
                                  "Walk," Joy replied.
                                                         W.H. Davies

We Can Do It

     I recently finished reading the book "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand.  It is the true story of Louis Zamperini....a 1936 Olympic runner, a WWII B-24 bombardier who survived a crash in the Pacific and 47 days adrift at sea on a raft surrounded by sharks;  he was captured by the Japanese navy and spent the rest of  WWII being tortured and starved in Japanese prison camps;  an amazing story of grit and survival.
     This reminded me of Dean's Mom, Ruby.  She was a "Rosie the Riveter" in WWII.   She worked at the Glenn L. Martin bomber plant near Omaha, NE at what is now Offutt AFB.  She worked in the gunner's turrets installing potentiometers.  Her sister, Mabel, worked nights in the cable department making and splicing cable.  Ruby's husband-to-be, Vic, worked on the line where the planes were actually assembled.  The Glenn L. Martin  plant made the B-26 Marauder and the B-29 Superfortress, (not the B-24 Liberator which Zamperini crewed).  The Enola Gay, which dropped the world's first atomic bomb on Hiroshima, was a B-29 Superfortress built at this plant.  Vic may have helped in it's assembly.  Ruby and Vic were there when President Franklin Delano Roosevelt toured the factory.

                                          B-26 Marauder

                                          The Enola Gay, a B-29 Superfortress


     Rosie the Riveter's motto was "We Can Do It."  She is a feminist icon in the United States.
     I've always thought of Ruby as being a very strong woman, the Rosie the Riveter "We Can Do It" kind of woman.  She survived the depression, WWII, several surgeries, and being widowed at the young age of 55.  She was a self-supporting widow for 37 years.  I don't think she necessarily thought of herself as being strong, but she was.  She was a survivor.

                                                        Ruby, taken in the years she worked at Glenn L. Martin

     We are all fortunate that we come from such strong stock. 

Quote of the day:  "You are the hero of your own story."     Mary McCarthy

Whistling in the dark

     Dean came home from the hospital yesterday after a 3 day stay.  He was admitted with a high fever of unknown origin, and congestive heart failure which was brought on by, or contributed to by, his chemotherapy.  I am so glad he is home.  The fevers are gone, but their cause was not determined.  The congestive heart failure remains.  He is still tired and somewhat short of breath, but home.  Chemo is on hold, at least for this week.
     So we are still whistling in the dark.   We are optimistic in a difficult situation. 
     I first read the phrase "whistling in the dark" in a Madeline L'Engle autobiography, where she was discussing her husband's illness.  I loved the sheer poetry, hope, and descriptiveness of it.
     Then I learned of the "They Might Be Giants" song by the same name:   "And I've often been told that you only can do, What you know how to do well, And that's be you, Be what you're like, Be like yourself...."    So the phrase applies doubly.  We are hoping for the best but can't help sometimes fearing the worst,  and we are both trying to be ourselves, our best selves. 

Quote of the day:  "Be happy for this moment.  This moment is your life."  Omar Khayyam

Updates:  Have been exercising every day to combat stress.  When  I am stressed, I stress Dean. (Just ask him about it).
     Our neighbor was a big help in walking our dog mid-day while I was visiting Dean at the hospital. Thanks.
     Granddaughter Sydney told Dean a good joke to cheer him up:  "Do you know how a rose rides a bike?  With its petals!"
     A therapy dog team stopped to visit Dean at the hospital...a corgi/border collie mix named Molly and her owner.  It was a bright spot in his stay.  Molly was a sweet, loving dog.  This is something we've talked about doing someday.....training a therapy dog and visiting hospitals and schools.
     Thanks family for your phone calls and support!
   

Brief post today

     My husband is being admitted to the hospital today for complications from chemo.  I am upset.  He will be home in a day or so, though.  Not life threatening.   
     This reminds me of why I need to look after my health, as well as his.  I don't handle stress well.  I need to be in my best shape to deal with things like this.  Exercise helps me with stress to some degree.

"Take care of your body.  It's the only place you have to live."   Jim Rohn 
    

Finding my voice, singing my song.

     Why does anyone blog?  Why am I?  For me, I think, it is to find my voice.  To create an outlet to express my feelings and to reflect me on my life journey. To not feel invisible.  And, of course, to keep myself motivated.
      I have been a journal-keeper on and off for most of my adult life, (more off than on);  but lately it has turned out to only include an occasional notation about a quote I liked, or what I did that day.  Boring!
     I feel the need to take a risk, to open my heart at least a bit.  Hopefully it won't get smacked down too frequently.  Gustav Flaubert says:  "The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe".  I concur.  This blog will include much of that, of me discovering what I believe and who I am.  Maybe it will just raise more questions.  I don't have any answers, that is for sure.

Quote of the day:  "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."

Update:  Sunday was a rest day, I did a few minutes of yoga and strolled a mile with my dog.
     Today I did 45 min. of exercises and did 3.5 miles of very very slow jogging. 

Miscellaneous musings

     This accountability stuff really works, so far anyway.  I woke up tired, grumpy, sore, and the last thing I wanted to do was any exercise.  But, on this blog, I said I would, and for some reason blog promises must be held inviolate.  I can never ever tell a lie in written form; it will always come back to bite me.  So I did do my exercises, and actually feel much better.

     Oprah Winfrey, in 2010, gave up dieting forever.  +1 Oprah.  Me, too.  It just causes rebound weight gains.  I must change my life practices for good.  Oprah, also, recently challenged her staff to be vegans for 1 week.  Go Oprah.
     As everyone knows, she ran the Marine Corps marathon back in 1994 in a time of 4:29:20.  She was my role model then.  "If Oprah can do it,  I can do it" was my mantra. 
     But why should she bear the burden of being my role model?   Remember Charles Barkley saying "I am not a role model"?   It's true.  Celebrities are just people doing their best, just like the rest of us.
     Plus they can afford personal trainers, personal nutritionists, coaches,and cooks, an entire health advisory team..... unlike the rest of us.  We have to be self-motivating, which explains all the quotes I collect.  I need  them.  Maybe I will return the favor and be Oprah's role model this time. "If I can do it, Oprah can do it" could be my new mantra.

     And whatever happened to Susan Powter?  Remember how popular she was in the 1990's? .... "Stop the insanity"..... I googled her,  she has a website and is still active.

     Did you notice the absolutely stunning full moon the past couple of nights?  Amazing.  Huge on the horizon.

     Spring must be around the bend.  I saw a magpie flying with a stick in its beak yesterday, so nesting season approaches.  Today I saw a couple of pelotons of bicyclists out, and scores of joggers.

Sprinkles on the Sundae

     Our son had to go to a doctor a couple of weeks ago for strep throat.  While there, he was asked about his family history...."any diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, cancer, arthritis?"  He had to laugh, even though it isn't in the least bit funny, because "all of the above" had to be his answer.   Now we are talking about going back 3 generations for him, but that is still a lot of illness, even though the majority of his ancestors have lived well into their 80's and 90's. 
     I think it is time to end this history of disease with this generation.  We will all die of something, of course, but it should be of old age, not these diseases of affluence. 

     "You know, all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy.  Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae."    Paul Walker

    Update:  Dean ended his 2nd round of chemo and has 1 week off.  Only 3 rounds left to go.  More sprinkles on the sundae of our lives.
    Update:  I jogged 8 very slow miles of baby steps this week.

  

Hear Me Roar

  
      I couldn't sleep last night so I am tired today.  It was really hard to exercise this morning, take my dog for a long walk, and get out the door by 9 am to meet my commitments.  It had me singing this song...again.

     Back in the 1970s when I was in my twenties, I thought I had to do it all.....be SuperMom, SuperWife, SuperNurse, SuperDaughter, SuperWoman.  I thought it was my job as a woman.  We lived in D.C. back then, and at 5:30 am, after just a few hours of sleep,  I would be driving down Georgia Avenue singing at the top of my lungs:   "I am woman, hear me roar.......I am strong.....I am invincible....If I have to, I can do anything."  It got me through those years. 

      I've gotten a little wiser since then.  I realize that the women's movement didn't mean that I had to do everything, only that I had the freedom to do whichever of those things I wanted.  And that trying to be super at everything is an impossibility that will drive you crazy. 

     Old habits die hard, though, and Helen Reddy immediately springs to mind when the going gets tough.  Helen, I thank you.  Hear me roar.

No more excuses.

"The miracle isn't that I finished.  The miracle is that I had the courage to start."  (John Bingham).

     John Bingham's quote and his story always move me.  After years of no exercise, he quit smoking, lost weight, and became a runner.  Running not only was his passion, but it launched his writing career.
     I cried the first time I read it, over a dozen years ago.    I, too, need the courage to start my exercise program, and to be consistent.    As I have talked about before, we eat a healthy, real food, vegan diet and we do well with it.  But it obviously is not enough.  The  next step in a balanced life is to use the healthy diet to power up exercise;  to become an empowered and strong woman.  I need to do more than just taking my dog for walks, as that obviously is not enough.  I can fall back on that when I am 80 or 90 or 100.   
     I'm embarrassed to admit I used to consider myself a runner, from my 45th year for maybe 5 years.  I loved it.  I loved being outdoors, pushing myself,  feeling my muscles, and freeing up my mind.   Not that I was ever good at it!  Far from it.  I was slow.  Very slow.  I'm the turtle in Aesop's fable, but that is okay.   I was out there living life.
     I don't really know why I didn't keep at it.  I had some injuries, to knees, hips, feet, but that is not a valid reason.  It is an excuse, and no more excuses are allowed.
   
My update:  2 weeks have gone by.
     The negative:   I have only lost 1 pound. 
     The positive:   I have lost 1 pound.  I have done my morning exercises 6 days a week, increasing from 30 to 45 min.  of yoga, crunches, stretches, modified push-ups,  etc.   I have jogged a little 3 days per week, and walked a little every day.   I feel stronger and look more toned.

Goals:   I want to be a runner again, to feel that way again, that "Oh my God, I am running" feeling of childhood, being out there, living life.  And I'd also like to someday be able to do a real push-up, not the modied ones.

"Reach high, for the stars lie hidden in your soul.
 Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal."
                                                Ralph Vaull Starr

   

"Finding Her Here", Jayne Relaford Brown

One of my favorite poems...it reminds me that I am growing and changing and getting better day by day, year by year.

     I am becoming the woman I've wanted,
     grey at the temples,
     soft body, delighted
     cracked up by life
     with a laugh that's known bitter
     but, past it, got better,
     knows she's a survivor-
     that whatever comes,
     she can outlast it.

     I am becoming a deep
     weathered basket.

     I am becoming the woman I've longed for,
     the motherly lover
     with arms strong and tender,
     the growing up daughter
     who blushes, surprises.

     I am becoming full moons
     and sunrises.

     I find her becoming,
     this woman I've wanted,
     who knows she'll encompass,
     who knows she's sufficient,
     who knows where she's going
     and travels with passion.

     Who remembers she's precious,
     but knows she's not scarce-
     who knows she is plenty,
     plenty to share.

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you be my Valentine?

    

                    

     Today is Valentine's Day....a day for giving and receiving love.  What could be more needed in the world than this?  It has become a trite and commercialized holiday in America, but the principle stands.  We all need love.  So please be my Valentine!  And have a love-ly day.

     "Age does not protect us from love, But love to some extent protects us from age."   Jeanne Moreau

                     

    

    

    

    
      
    

Rooting for Rulon.

     Does anyone here watch "The Biggest Loser"?   I've always detested this show and refused to watch.  They make unhealthy 400+ # people run hard without training.  They force people to exercise 6-8 hours a day while eating only 800 calories;  yelling at them and demeaning them in front of all of America.  (Jillian I am talking about you).   Definitely not a sustainable way to get healthy, and actually very dangerous.   I would probably do it, though, if someone were to offer me hundreds of thousands of dollars in prize money plus post-season speaking fees, or even if threatened with stripping down to sports bra and shorts and weighing myself in front of TV cameras.
     But this season I am interested because of contestant Rulon Gardner.  He is a 39 year old who won Olympic gold in 2000 and bronze in 2004 for Greco-Roman wrestling.  He has had more than a few life- threatening accidents since.....motorcyle, snowmobile, and airplane crashes.  He gained from his wrestling weight of 265#  to 474#  because of not changing his eating habits once he stopped competing. 
     What fascinates me, though, is that he and his buddy, Justin, seem like such down-right nice human beings.  I really like them.  They provide support and encouragement for each other and their team-mates.  They are "family", and I really believe that they feel this way.  Of course, the show's producers are doing their level best to break that support down, to make each person fend for himself.  What kind of show would it be if everyone helped everyone else to win?....Nope, must have rivalry and a dog-eat-dog atmosphere along with a generous helping of public humiliation to increase viewership.  
     Where would any of us be without a support system?  Life would be so much harder. 
     So I am rooting for Rulon. 

     My plan is to be healthy the right way.  To exercise sustainably.  To eat nutritionally.  No starvation involved.  No more yo-yoing.  Emerson said to "adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience".  Anyone who knows me will testify that patience has never been my forte, but I am working on that.  "Baby steps" could be my new motto.  So I continue to exercise (stretching, yoga, crunches, modified push-ups) for 30 minutes most days, plus jog 3 days per week.  I did a total of 4.5 miles this week, all in baby steps.   To health.

A family of tigers....hear us roar.

      Our family.   We have 3 grown kids....all great, independent, responsible, smart, caring and as different from each other as can be.  We are terribly proud of all of them.
      Kate, our daughter, is the youngest and lives here in the same city as we do.  It is nice having her so close-by.   She's a talented writer/on-line media/editor for a University.   She is witty, sings in the Colorado Chorale, and has a contagious laugh.  She loves to travel and travels the world. 
     Ben, middle child, lives in the Chicago area and works in theater.  He runs lights, sound, builds sets, and is all-round brilliant and handy;  maybe it is the former boyscout in him.  He also works for a local college, plus sub-contracts elsewhere in the city.  He can figure out anything and has a dry wit.
     Jason, the oldest, is married and also lives in the Chicago area.  He's a family practice/sports medicine doctor, and runner and golfer.  He is married to Kuldeep, a biochemist and runner.  They have 2 kids, our wonderful grandkids, Sydney (9), and Alex (7) who like sports, music, video games, reading, horses, jokes, and all the usual kid things.  They all have wonderful senses of humor, as well.
      I blame all of their senses of humor and wit on Dean who is very "Punny".  Everyone who has ever met him remembers him for the groaners he tells, and his retorts ("Doh!", or "Oh, yeah?").  He makes us laugh.  He always has made me laugh.
    Family...ours has been very supportive, especially since Dean's diagnosis.  I don't know what we'd do without them.  They are our life. 
     We have a large extended family, as well.  My parents, 5 brothers and their families, Dean's brother and his family, plus a few cousins and an aunt with whom he remains close.   Most live in Nebraska.
     Which brings me to my Mom.   My family was a farm family, and my siblings and I were country kids; country mice, if you will.  When it was time to switch from rural school to school in town,  we were understandably quiet and reserved.  Every morning when we headed out the lane to catch the school bus my Mom would remind us to "Be a Tiger!"  And we'd roll our eyes and respond, "Oh, Mom!"
     My Mom has survived 2 bouts of lymphoma, the last one being much more serious.  I gave her the stuffed Tigger pictured above prior to her going into surgery, to remind her to "be a tiger".  And she was, just as she always has been, and came through just fine.  During Dean's radiation therapy when he was starting to feel down, she sent him the Tigger, so he could remember to be a tiger, too.  And he is.  We are a family of tigers...hear us roar.

"Be a Tiger!"..........Mom 
    
    
    
    

The elephant in the room.

     We have been vegetarian for 17 years now, thanks to our daughter, Kate, who nudged us in this direction.  We had been vegan back in the 1970s for a year, but work, kids, and the lack of easily available sources of tofu, tempeh, soymilk, etc. discouraged us then.  We tried veganism off and on over the last 17 years, but believed the common lore about the value of probiotics in yogurt and Vit. B12 in eggs. 
     What has changed?   In August, 2010, my husband Dean had an emergency cholecystectomy (gall bladder removal) and was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer.   In Sept. he had major abdominal surgery followed by complications.  In Oct. we went to University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center for a 2nd opinion.  He had radiation therapy in Nov./Dec.  and is currently receiving chemotherapy which should last until sometime in May of this year.  He is doing pretty well; occasionally queasy, often tired, but maintaining his weight.  This is an uncommon cancer.  It doesn't respond well to available radiation and chemotherapies, but it has a high recurrence level, so Dean opted for both treatments anyway at his Doctor's recommendation.
     He is being treated at a Regional Cancer center.  We are really disappointed.  No one, not a single doctor or nurse, has made any recommendations for diet, exercise, or alternative therapies.  "Eat whatever you want, exercise however you want".   Apparently, there is no money to be made in patient education, nutrition, or stress reduction.  Thus we began our own search for answers.
     We have been eating a plant-based, whole food, nutritarian diet since Nov. 2010.  No white sugar, no white flour, no processed food.  Lots of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and beans.   It feels good to have the sweets monkey off of our backs...no more cravings.  Also, it feels good to take health back into our own hands, to play an active part in Dean's recovery, to do the most we can.  We were shell-shocked for 3 months, but the time for passivity is long gone. 
     The best book we've found is "The China Study" by Dr. T. Colin Campbell.  It is well researched, easy to read, and concise.   Also good were "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, and "Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life" by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber.  Other authors to read are Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, Jr.,  Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr Neal Barnard, and Dr. John McDougall. 
     Their research results all agree...a plant based, whole foods diet is best.  It can prevent and even reverse many of the American diseases of affluence.  The SAD (standard American diet) is harming all of us.  But when relatives ask, "what's with the diet?" and we try to explain, they just get a glazed look in their eyes and change the subject.  I don't know why the American public is not getting any of this information.  It isn't just because they don't want to know.  Much blame can be laid on the  lobbying power of American agribusiness.
     I believe everyone should read Dr. Campbell's book to make educated decisions.   Maybe President Bill Clinton's change to this type of diet will have some influence.  We hope we can affect the dietary habits of our near and dear just a little, as well. 
     So, the elephant hiding in our lives is cancer.  But the elephant hiding in the living rooms of  America is just SAD.  (Standard American Diet).

Snow day. Again.

    Cold and snowy.  A good day to stay indoors.  Just ask our dear dog, Sadie.  She has been my walking/running companion for 9 years now.  We've gone thousands of miles together.  She is so much better for my health than a treadmill could ever be.  But she is getting older now, doesn't like going too far, and can't jump into the back of our car any longer.  Maybe she is smarter than I am...she wants to stay where it is warm and dry. 
     I did my half hour of exercises this morning and scooped snow for 90 minutes,  which is my version of weight lifting.  Thanks to our wonderful neighbor, Matt, for the scooping help and for the conversation.
     No weight loss yet, but no gain either despite having company all weekend.  That's a good thing.  I am feeling a bit stronger and more flexible.  Here's to good health.

Sunshine is delicious.

     Our family has come and gone.   Wonderful visit.  Please come again soon. 
     We had a foot of snow while they were here, but today was a sunshiny respite from the winter storms which are to return tonight.   It was glorious...crystal clear skies,  unblemished drifts of snow glittering in the light.  Wildlife out and about warming in the sun, munching on our shrubbery.  Dear dog romping belly deep in drifts and eating mouthfuls to her heart's delight.
     I did get back to exercising after taking yesterday off.  Did my 30 min. of exercises...stretching, modified push-ups, crunches, basic yoga sun salutations.  Also jogged 1 slow barefoot mile on the treadmill after walking dear doggy a mile outside.

"Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating;  there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather."   (John Ruskin)

One kind word can warm three winter months. (Japanese Proverb)

     Neighborhood kids collected food for their church's food pantry yesterday.   We left a bag of food for them as we always want to support children in their endeavors.   It was a snowy afternoon after school let out, so I doubted they would come. But they did.  And left us a charming thank you.  We should have thanked them!  They give us hope for the future.  They teach us what life is all about.
     We have company coming for the weekend....my brother and his family of six will be staying with us before heading up to the mountains to ski, plus dear daughter Kate, who lives here in town.   Wonderful news to look forward to.
     I did my stretching and modified push-ups and crunches routine.  I then jogged a really slow mile in the snow and slush with my dog before scooping snow for 30 minutes.    I grocery shopped for our company, and did a little house cleaning and food prep.  It was a busy day.  A great day.

One picture is worth 1000 denials. (Ronald Reagan)

     My before picture is posted! (See below).   It always surprises me to see myself.  In reality I look nothing like the active, vigorous  younger person I see in my mind's eye, or even in the mirror.   I always have hated photos of myself and avoid having them taken.  I need to work on that attitude.  I am who I am, I am me, and I am beautiful.  Meanwhile, I do have the  picture of "After" me in my mind and I can see myself doing all the things I will be doing soon. 
     Exercise-wise....my plans are falling into place.  I have been doing 30 minutes of stretching plus modified push-ups, and crunches in the AM.  Last night I jogged 1 very slow mile on our newly functional treadmill.  I am easing into this.  Hope to become a jogger soon.  Am going to try out the "Total Yoga, level 1" tomorrow.   Here's to your health.

6 months to 60, and beyond!

     It just occured to me that in 6 months from today I will turn 60 years old.  This is a serious age, a considered age.   It is time for me to settle down and get healthier...to consistently exercise, eat well, and once and for all lose the extra pounds I am carrying around.  I am hoping this blog will give me accountability and motivation to walk-the-walk, not just talk-the-talk.  I would love any and all support you have to offer on this journey called life.  
    Our treadmill was repaired yesterday and I weighed myself this morning.  My DH will take my "before" picture tonight, so I am as ready as I ever will be.  Here's to health. 

     "Your life is an occasion, rise to it."  (Mr Marorium's Wonder Emporium, Suzanne Weyn)