10 Annoying Questions People Ask Distance Runners, and Suggested Answers.

Q1. Isn’t all that running bad for you?

A1. Well it certainly isn’t as good as, say, sitting on the couch stuffing my face with pizza and beer, while chain-smoking, but hopefully I’ll survive.

Q2. Won’t you be sorry when you are 60 and your knees are fucked?

A2. No, I won’t. My knees may or may not be fucked when I’m 60, but I’ll have some damn fine memories of when they were parts of a well-oiled machine. Yours will probably be in great shape. Like a nuns conscience.

Q3. Running those distances must be so hard – why would you do that?

A3. Because I can. Because I want to. Because an easy life isn’t worth living. Because I want to see how epic I can be. Because it’s so hard. Because nobody asks me stupid questions while I’m running.

Q4. How far is a marathon?

A4. Depends – a nearby marathon, or a faraway one?

Q5. Are you running away from something?

A5. Yes – assholes. Gotta go.

Q6. Don’t you get tired?

A6. No, never. I’m as fresh at the end of a 100k as I was when I started. Sometimes it takes 10 strong men to restrain me from going back and doing it again.

Q7. Don’t you think you’re a bit obsessed with running?

A7. Sorry, did you say something? I didn’t hear you, I was thinking about running.

Q8. If you run so much, how come you’re not skinny?

A8. Because every time I shag your mother, she gives me a biscuit.

Q9. What time did you do?

A9. Mindyourownfuckingbusiness time.

Q10. I was thinking of doing a marathon, I’m pretty fit, it can’t be that hard, can it?

A10. You’re right, it isn’t. It’s dead easy. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t even bother training.
Let me know how you get on.